I really need to change this...

Everything stated in this blog is SO OOOOOOOOLD.
It's actually quite ridiculous that I've let this sit un-updated for so long, especially since I consider ties to my family quite important, and, aside from holidays, I don't get to see them. On top of that, It's way past the holiday season and I don't really get invites to birthday dinners/lunches/brunches anymore. Do they still happen?

I've kept busy- there's school, work, looking for a secondary job, dreams of travelling (traveling?), writing, considering a career (because we all know it's never too early), internet attractions (LiveJournal, MySpace, AIM), friends (and as a subcategory, boys), and a new-found goal to become a pool shark, assuming that I can unofficially apprentice under the oldest girl cousin. When she comes back down, of course.

So should we make our way down the list?

SCHOOL: I'm tired of it. I'm over it. I'm exhausted. While the classes I'm taking do interest me, there's a certain amount of, oh--say--dedication, that is absolutely necessary for me to stay involved and on top of things. Unfortunately, dedication is something that I was never really good at, unless I reaped immediate benefits. Call it selfish if you wish, but dedication is tough for a fun-loving girl like me, and you can blame it on anything you want- roommates, party life, work, boys- believe me, I've tried, but it all just comes down to the fact that I'm not passionate about learning what I'm learning anymore. I was never the "go through the motions" type of person, so unless I miraculously switch the past few months of laziness and un-motivation, I'm thinking of working full time over the summer and possibly into the next semester.

WORK: Work's going very well. I'm still working at Tower Records at Bay and Columbus in San Francisco, about 3 or 4 blocks from Fishermans' Wharf and about 6 or 7 blocks from North Beach. I'm nearing my review period, meaning I've been at Tower for almost a year, and that also means Tourist Season. I'm looking forward to said season because of the automatic raise I get for being there for a year, but I'm also dreading the tourists, when I get to tell them that no, we don't have a public restroom, and when they yell at me in broken english as I try to explain as best as I can that it's Tower Policy that I don't accept their credit card without some form of photo ID, and it's not my fault that they didn't bring their Passport with them. At some point in that sentence, i think there was a grammatical mistake, but I'm far too lazy to reword it so it makes sense. You get the gist, dear readers. (Do people still read this?) I'm also looking for a secondary job, because payroll got cut $1,500 a week this month, and there's no way I'm getting paid enough to do what I do, and deal with all that I have to. I'm looking to get a job as a waitress, or a bartender, but I'm not old enough to do so just yet. Anyway, have any suggestions?

TRAVELLING: (Traveling?) My mom's side cousin is getting married in October, so Congrats to Pebbles, but it's on some obscure yet really beautiful island in the Philippines. Having been there once before and having absolute blast, I considered going, but decided a couple weeks ago to decline. I intended on just saving money for a trip to Berlin, because a friend is studying abroad there next semester, but realized that this was just a chance that I couldn't pass up. I've decided, again, to go and e-mailed said intentions anyway. Cus, you know, E-mail means tons. But, now I've gotta save up at least $1,500 by October to be able to have a ton of fun. Meaning, my paychecks for the next 6 months are planned out. Meticulously. (is that a word?)

I haven't written in so long that I'm not even sure what words exist any more! I've recently been forcing myself to write, at least a couple times a week, whether it be poetry, short story business for my Creative Writing Class, or just your regular run of the mill journal writing- typically saved for unwinding after a long night of work. There's a monthly poetry slam/hip hop activity put on at the Oakland Metro that I've been really interested in recently, held on the first Thursday of the month. Featuring emcee battles, dirty haiku contests, Def Poetry Jam poets and special guests (like the Yo-Yo champion of the.. world? who does a kick-ass yo-yo routine to Black Sabbath), and boasting a full bar and a host who encourages underage drinking and drug use (No worries, I don't participate), this area holds 400 people, with a decent sized crowd still turned away. (Honestly, what's up with me and incredulously long sentences with the overuse of commas, words that i'm not even sure exist and unnecessary parentheticals?) It's crazy, never before have I seen such a "ghetto" crowd so supportive to artists and different forms of the spoken word. And it's this that's completely inspired me to read a poem. My tiny self in front of 400 people reciting emotions that I don't even have the courage to tell the person it pertains to. My new-found voice wavering under a spotlight so bright that I can't see the people that I rode with. Absolutely alone with me and my words. Except, out loud this time. How absolutely terrifying. But hey, I figure-- Go big, or go home. If I end up doing it, I'll definitely blog the reaction.

Recently I've been cooking. On Tuesday night, under what I believe is the influence of Frank Sinatra, I got the desire to bake a lasagna. From scratch. With all the fixin's, garlic bread, a delicious spinach, walnut, apple salad with rasberry vinigrette, and pound cake with ice cream on top. DELICIOUS. Some friends came over unexpectedly, and were happily greeted with the wafting smell of italian as they walked down the hallway, and much more happy when they opened the door and saw the Lasagna in the oven, bubbling happily. Yesterday, I was hungry so I decided to fry a salmon portion in olive oil covered in garlic powder, black pepper, and rosemary. And like, a heart attack's worth of butter. This, piled on top of a small mound of white rice... Man, my stomach's watering just thinking about it. I'm hungry....
Anyway, with the recent obsession with cooking and the wavering desire to continue as an English Major, I signed up for more information from the Culinary Academy located in San Francisco, with an emphasis of actual Culinary education, along with classes for Restaurant/Hotel Management. I don't know if I've ever told anyone this, but I'm actually really considering opening a restaurant with two Nick's- Both business students, one at UC Berkeley, and one at USF. Three minutes after submitting the online application, I recieved a call from Mike Johnson, admissions representative, and set up an interview type thing for next Thursday, where I get to talk about fun things like financial aid and the possibility of becoming enrolled. I also have to do boring things, like sitting in on classes and maybe testing the food. Gross. (yeah right!) I'm actually really psyched for this. Shh. My mother doesn't know this either.

The internet sucks, because I'm so easily distracted by the millions of things to do online. But, it still allows me to sort of keep in touch with familia, who I really don't see often enough. I miss everybody, actually considering calling my brothers just to tell them that I love them and miss them and texted my cousin in the midst of a close game of pool (I totally won!) just because I know she's into it too. I just wish that I didn't feel like my mom thinks I'm a failure. I'm doing my best, and I'm the happiest with my life that I've ever... EVER been. And in my tiny little world, that's all that matters.

In the disappointing absence of my family, I'm absolutely convinced that the people I surround meself with are the BEST PEOPLE EVER. You can have your judgements, stereotypes or what-have-you, but I challenge you to find a group of more fun-loving, generous, honest and just genuine people...And, as stated before, as an automatic sub category, boys are always involved. . .I would offer details, but at this point, there really aren't any. Except for the fact that I like a boy who comes from Oakland, so if anything would every come of it and he met the family, bloodshed would probably occur, you ridiculous San Francisco Fanatics. It's okay, I don't even think he knows my name.

My God, this is the longest. Blog. Ever. Just one more thing- POOL SHARK! Been playing pool at this place in the Mission with Karaoke Nights and a smaller than regulation pool table in the back. While nowhere near good, I've got some close friends who have annihilated me in said sport (recreational activity?) and have still been gracious enough to offer pointers and the "midget stick" when I find myself in a situation where the regulation pool cue is too long to fit in the tiny corners. Good people, they are. I won my first game last night, without them going easy on me or them hitting the 8 ball in. They were probably pretty drunk. I still consider it a victory, especially cus I've heard that drinking beer actually gives players an Edge.

OH MAN. I'm exhausted, I haven't given this blog this much love in a really, really, long time. I know it's been a while, but hopefully this monster entry will appease some of you. Read it in batches if you must, Heaven knows I had to take a number of breaks inbetween. Opinions, arguments and disapproving comments are more than welcome, I need something new to write about. Ha.

I love you, don't ever fucking question that!

Pardon the french, but check out Indie Hip Hop band from Minneapolis, Atmosphere. That's where I got it from.

"I love you/don't ever fucking question that/this world will probably never get along/and if I/had the right words to speak/I wouldn't need to write these motherfucking songs/I love you."

Three months Later...

I just realized how out-of-date this blog really is. I don't blog at work anymore, I don't work at the job that I used to blog at, and I don't go to SFSU at the moment. I guess this is just a testament to how busy I've really been (It is 5:24 in the morning, after all) and that there really has been a lot going on in my life.

I work at Tower Records, I go to school at Skyline for this year, and I barely have time to write at all, while blogging gets more time than my personal journal.

But the thing that roused me to write- the thing that kept me from curling up into my warm and comfortable bed- is the best feeling in the world. I just realized after an amazing night with friends and roommates that I Love My Life. I may struggle financially, I may have to fight with laziness and actually make myself go to class, turn down watching Evil Dead I & II to study, but I think I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

I just wanted you all to know, family, that I love you. And that while I don't say it nearly enough, I'm honored to have so much talent and love running rampant through our blood. It's the first day of October, and I'm so excited for what this holiday season will bring.

So I'm holding up the first cup of hot chocolate of the fall in honor of my family, and I tip my beanie to you all as well.

P.S. I MET BRUCE CAMPBELL! He was in my store, and I got to take a bunch of pictures with him =)

Tagged!

I know I haven't posted in a while, and though it never bothered me before, I feel like I should blog, even though I'm not quite sure who reads this. Knowing that someone actually cares to read your writing has a way of pulling creativity out of you. Sort of like a mixture of nervousness and excitement, the desire to say everything in the world but keep all aspects of you a mystery at the same time. Do I Make Sense?

Upon reading the blogs of family members, I found myself cyber-tagged and pulled into the mayhem. So, Here Goes:

Total number of books read: I Have No Clue. But, since prompted, I am actually very curious to see how many I've read. I remember going to the Newark Library during summer and entering those book-reading-competitions, and winning awesome thing like Frisbees and Sun Visors with the Newark Library logo. Which obviously means that I read a lot. And when I had no friends, I'd read all the time. And that made me feel (and look like) a total geek. Onward.

Last book I bought: Stranger than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk. I bought it during the Last Half Hour before my Final, thus pointing out my priorities and leaving me with an intense desire to write. It contains various short stories written on different topics, a few including the transformation of Fight Club from a novel to a movie, and what happens when a bald man uses a dipilatory cream in place of shaving cream. There is also a piece on Marilyn Manson who, to my surprise, he is a very intelligent and opinionated person.

Last book I read: Much like the tagger, this tag-gee tends to read a few books at the same time as well. I have Stranger than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk, Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, and I'm currently on my second round of The Best American Non-Required Reading, the 2004 edition. The list probably would be longer, but it's been too foggy and cold in San Francisco to go to the beach, and 38-50 hour work weeks can get pretty demanding. But I'm reading a Math 120 textbook because I have a test tomorrow, yet somehow I feel it doesn't mesh.

Five books that mean a lot to me:
1) Memoirs of a Geisha- Taken from my mom's pile of books to read for that summer. I read it three times before she wanted it back.
2) The Perks of being a Wallflower- Knowing that you, at any time, have at least one person who cares about you and your life story-whether it be someone you know or a total stranger- has always interested me.
3) The Best American Non Required Reading- A particularly interesting short story is "You Are What You Eat", but I forgot who it was by
4) Diary- Chuck Palahniuk- Leaving my words written on walls of rooms that mysteriously disappear from mansions has always been one of my dreams. Well, not specifically, I guess. But the idea remains.
5) White Oleander- The one book-turned-movie that I refuse to see. I hold such a high regard for that book that I'm almost scared to watch it. I don't want it ruined...

Five People I'm Sending this Meme to: I don't know that many people on this Blog business. And the ones I do know, have already been tagged....

So instead of reviewing for the last final I had to take this morning, I decided that with the last 30 minutes left before taking the test, I would go to the bookstore, pick up a scantron, and peruse the area. I'd been meaning to pick up a new reading-for-pleasure book, and I came across Chuck P.'s book, Stranger Than Fiction. I read a few of the short stories, and am now kicking myself because there were three (count them, THREE) chances for me to meet him in person. The 19th, 20th, and the 21st.

If I had just made the trip to Menlo Park on the 19th, I might have had an interesting novelist-fan interaction like my cousin, and I might even have had a witty conversation about relationships and dating and I could have shared some awkward laughter with an author who i just happen to like a whole lot. And I could have talked about it with my old brother, about how Invisible Monsters and Choke and Survivor are on their way to being made as movies, and I could have gotten Sarah's book signed for her, in payment for keeping it in my apartment for the past 8 months. And I would have gotten to speak, in person, with one of the most twisted minds I have been exposed to. Ever.

It would appear that I am not taking advantage of all of the opportunities that are given to me.
Blast!

well, the novel calls.

bring it back

So the first year of college is slowly coming to a close. After a mighty stressful past week consisting of papers on the History of Pornography and the involvement of women, and projects on the Risk of Tsunamis hitting the San Francisco Bay, as well as various open mics and movie nights, I am completely spent. The initial excitement of it being college has worn off, and i find myself in the same unmotivated position.

But i digress. Though i have made it through this week, this girl's journey is not over. Monday brings finals, and, to be quite honest, i'm pretty terrified. 8:00 am on Monday morning to 1:45 on Thursday afternoon will be consumed by energy drinks, late nights, and books. Not exactly my definition of fun, but the hours between 1 and 6 am tend to pass quickly when i'm studying, so maybe if i pull a series of three all-nighters the end of the week will come more quickly.

I kid.

I have three more finals and one paper to finish, and once i am finished, i'll be able to FINALLY completely enjoy this weekend. Snowboarding trip on Friday, a Birthday on Saturday, and a semester's worth of lost sleep on a Sunday afternoon.
Sounds nice, doesn't it?

now, to find another job...

hi, i'm veruca salt.

just so everyone knows, i'm absolutely terrible at staying focused.

I've been sitting, since 8:45 in the am, trying to get some work done. It should be noted that I don't usually start until 10, so with the extra hour and fifteen that i could have used for sleeping (after a mere 3 hours early this morning) i decided to get some work done early, being fully aware of aforementioned track record. And, for that hour and fifteen, i was successful.

I entered in about a bajillion ATI scores, updated the addresses and emergency contacts of about 100 nursing students, and still managed to find an awesome stream on Launch playing Fantastic with a capital F selections from Queen, Aerosmith, Cheap Trick, Kansas and all the classic rock songs that i didn't really grow up with but have recently become interested in.

And it went down from there. my old brother IM'd me with information on an upcoming screenwriting workshop with Bindlestiff, the company he's worked with before. So i'm interested in going, but don't really want to be the annoying little sister. but, you know, after some 18 years, he should be used to it. and that, well, that's where i lost it. this was about... two hours ago.

So i'm sitting, thinking about what i want to do for the rest of my life, and realize that the things that i want to do have sort of already been done in my family. Journalism, Writing for screen/stage (more specifically screen), and being a teacher. And this thought passes lightning quick through my brain: I'm not nearly as different from my family as it sometimes feels. And then that disappears, just as quickly as it came, and i'm wondering how i get from Data Assistant for the Nursing Department at SFSU and Sales Associate at Bath and Body Works (which i quit) to Ms. Delfino, or Published Author Ana Delfino (pen name? possibly), or maybe even the writer/director of your new favorite movie.

I guess it just sucks, i want to be famous, i want to help people, i want to write. I want to touch people without knowing that i've touched them, and i want them to "feel me" in whatever i say, think, show on screen, teach, write. I want to travel, I want to see the world. I want to be a young mother (uh, don't read too far into that) but I don't want to be tied down. I want the night life but the suburban sunday mornings, I want the sounds of the city but the mountain air to breathe. I want the view from my uncle's employee's beach house in Punta Fuego, i want to wake up with the sound of waves crashing into caves, i want the perfection in the dirt and grime of downtown san francisco. i want everything.


and, just for the record, i suck at staying focused.

Just recently I started hanging out with people from my old high school- my group of awesome friends excluded. Not only that, I've been catching up with people from my old youth group and people that I hung out with this past semester and it's.. well, odd. to say the least.

It's not that i'm not happy to see them, I really am- to be able to catch up with all of these people that had played such an important part in my life and, if they hadn't, to just touch base with them once again, giving them a chance to impact me, and vice versa. Sitting next to them and talking to them, however, is... I'm not sure. I don't want to say that I've left them behind, because I know that I haven't, but talking to them in the way that I talk to them now, comparing it to the way that we had held conversations beforehand are just different. It's almost like I feel like an entirely different person.

Change. I feel like I've grown up in these past 7 months, living on my own. That could be the reason why I detest my room mates so much more, they're still stuck in a high school mentality which is one that I feel like I've grown out of for quite a while. But at the same time, it could be just jealousy. They don't need two jobs to be able to pay bills and get food and buy clothes, they don't need to get up and go to class, they don't really need to do anything. With growing up comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes growing up. While i've known that for a very long time, I guess it's never come into play as much as it does now. I've never regretted it, having all these obligations so that I would be able to move out and into the city, knowing full well that I could have made the commute daily and still further my education in a way that I wanted to, but there's a little part of me that wishes there was another way to do things.

I guess it's a little ironic, I've waited so long to finally grow up, get out of the house, be on my own, and yet I wait until this very moment to wish I was a child again. And I know it's funny to hear this coming from me, 18 years old-- after all, i AM a child with the rest of my life ahead of me, but since I was 8 I don't think I was ever able to feel completely carefree, completely unaware of possible consequences. Which, actually, is a very good quality to have.

I love my life. I love my friends. I love my boyfriend. My boyfriend's friends love me, and my friends love my boyfriend's friends. I have an amazing family, I have a roof (albeit a moldy and leaky roof) over my head, and layers to keep me warm. I like not having to cause my mom more stress than I already have, and I enjoy being responsible for myself, and not being able to blame it (whatever 'it' may be) on anyone else. I work hard for my money- so hard for the money (ok maybe not THAT hard) but it definitely beats having to beg for more.

I guess this is just your typical case of "the grass is greener" syndrome. I'll get over it, I always do.

red bulls, rockstars, and mochas.

i don't think i've ever been this dependent upon caffeine as i have been for the past two weeks.
Recently, my days have consisted of waking up at 7 to get to the bathroom before my roommates do, feeding my fish, unplugging the bubbles to give them a little peace and quiet, then leaving the house at 8 to get to class on time.

it fails. always late, but i guess it's just in my genes. on mondays, i have class until 9:30, so after i pick up either a mocha, energy drink or a bagel (sometimes a combination of the two), i head to the nursing department for work. And I sit. And type in data. And i sit. Now, on mondays and wednesdays i have a break from 9:30- 2:10, originally to be filled by a 2 hour yoga class, which i happily dropped at the opportunity to make money while sitting. I stay at work for a few hours, then i head back to class, and sometimes heading to Bath and Body Works afterward for a one-two punch in the work arena. I work usually until 10 or 11 then get a ride home, after picking up some food or another of the aforementioned energy drinks. Settle in for a nice long night of reading and/or paper writing.

I sleep, if the high sugar intake decides to let me. If not, i curse myself and all the things that i've dedicated myself to and figure out ways to bail.

then i realize, i brought it all on myself, and figure that i should stop buying things like books and school supplies, because i'm really going to need all of those rockstars, red bulls, and mochas.

bottom's up.

it all starts here, i guess.